


A touch from you its like heaven taking the place of something evil.

by TheShhhSpot



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 00:23:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17011977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShhhSpot/pseuds/TheShhhSpot
Summary: Japan sleeps, streetlights shinning bright, unfortunately sleep doesn't come easy for Marcus, who can't help the lurking thoughts at the back of his head regarding his new journey as a driver at Indy and stepping away (a bit) from Formula One.





	A touch from you its like heaven taking the place of something evil.

**Author's Note:**

> Of course the announcement of Marcus not being in the 2019 grid had a toll on me, so here is this little story. I think that after writing this I am pretty exited about this new chapter.  
> Also this fic features Marcus and Alex (Marcus’ personal trainer) because I swear those two are goals, bye. 
> 
> A bit of backstory: Marcus lived in Japan for some time before driving in GP2, Alex became his PT when he joined Catherham back in 2014. Alex’s father, Eje Elgh is Marcus’ manager.  
> The three of them will continue to work together and that makes me really happy, they make a good team. 
> 
> I was inspired by the song "Cherry" by Lana del Rey. I hope you enjoy this. 
> 
> This is a work of fiction.

The first thing that he noticed when he woke up was the fact that his shoulder felt cold. He blinked a few times to wake up properly and waited for his eyes to get used to the darkness of their hotel room in Japan. The blanket had fallen off and was pooled at his waist letting the AC of the room have its effect on his bare shoulder.  
He carefully put back the blanket on top of him, making sure it covered his full body from his neck down and tried to make himself comfortable without waking Alex up, who slept peacefully next to him. Marcus turned around, careful not to accidentally elbow the brunette or squash his arm which laid just on the space between Marcus’ neck and the mattress. Alex didn’t stir, he continued breathing calmly even as Marcus cuddled closer to him and rested his forehead on his chest, trying to imitate his breathing in favor of falling back to sleep, he had a long day ahead and he needed to rest.

He tried to fall back to sleep for 10 minutes but he couldn’t. All his focus on sleeping drifted to the same thought nagging at the back of his head.  
Sauber had announced he was being demoted for the next season. That was fine, he knew that, he had talked to his manager, and Eje had explained the situation, they had talked beforehand, he had many options laid for him in the world outside of Formula One, he already had a team interested in him for Indy and contracts were literally just waiting for him to be signed. He still had many sponsors, his own brand, his family was financially safe, and he could focus on coaching his little brother now, and… that was not it, was it?  
He couldn’t pretend to himself now, he was sure not even Charles was buying his “it’s all fine, I’m okay” act. And there in the silent of the room, in the dead of the night, there was no one else but this thoughts in the back of his head threatening to come bubbling to the surface and this time he didn’t have something else to occupy them with.  
So, he gave up, and let them out, sighting.  
He was fine, actually, he had been more than fine before he read those silly comments. And they were silly! but they had had its effect on him and he couldn’t help but to overthink. Fernando was retiring too, also going to Indy, so it was not a bad move. It sounded like fun. Even Daniel thought so. Fernando is a world champion, you are not. That is not everything there is in life…Everything there is in life…

He loves racing, it’s what he does best and what he enjoys the most. He didn’t spend three years surviving on low fat food and dehydrating at every single race for nothing. He loves his job. So, what if it’s not Formula One? He will still be racing, and now with a better chance at aiming for wins. And he knows this, he had that conversation with his parents, they had agreed…why does he feel like his heart is falling inside his own chest, then? Why does he feel like he can’t suddenly breathe? Why –

“Marcus?” Alex’s voice startles him and he jumps slightly. Looking upwards, he sees his personal trainer looking at him with half-closed eyes, the brunette yawns and looks at the clock on the bedside table. “Hey, what is wrong?” He continues and rubs his eyes with his left hand, the same that had been over Marcus’ hip. The movement makes the blanket fall off again and Marcus is hit with the cool air of the AC, except this time he can’t help but shiver, and it takes a moment for him to realize it’s not only the air conditioning having its effect on his warm skin. He is breathing fast and cannot seem to calm down, he flexes his toes and fingers in an attempt to get a grip but he can’t. It registers to him that he hasn’t yet answered Alex’s question so he makes as to speak, tell Alex he is fine, to go back to sleep, to hold him closer, but only a hiccup comes out and if the brunette wasn’t completely awake that does it and he quickly lifts himself off the bed, taking his right hand from underneath the blonde’s neck using his elbow as leverage to better look at him.  
“Marcus? What is it?” He asks, cradling his fingers through Marcus’ hair and resting his hand on Marcus’ chest.  
“Panic attack?” Marcus’ nods and tries to get closer to the taller man. “Do you need water?” Alex tries, and upon hearing no answer he sits on the bed and cradles Marcus to him. “It’s okay, everything is okay, just breathe with me”  
Marcus holds onto his shirt, closes his eyes but thoughts keep coming, so he decides to stare at the city outside their room. The sight is beautiful, he has always loved Japan, he remembers when he first traveled there, it was the first time he was going to spend that much time away from home. He had been very nervous, he knew that if he was able to impress the teams there he would be a step closer to driving in the big leagues.  
Looking back at it, he did have to grow up fast, he had to learn how to be independent and that somehow had taught him to value everything he had. He thinks that maybe that was the thing that made him respect everyone no matter who they were or where they came from. The road there wasn’t an easy one for any of them, he knew that...he was proud of everything he had achieved, he has happy because he had made it. Yes, he was leaving but it really was not the end of the story, just a new chapter. 

He feels suddenly happy, there are fingers on his hair and soft words are being spoken to him and he feels like the most fortunate person in the world.  
He lifts his head and finds Alex’s eyes looking at him, a frown on his forehead and Marcus has the urge to kiss it away. “Better?” The older man asks softly. “Yes” he replies and the worried lines on the brunette’s face seem to fade away after hearing him speak again.  
“Do you want to talk about it?” Marcus’ shakes his head. “Not right now”.  
“It’s okay, whatever you need”  
They stay quiet for a moment. “Will you stay with me be at Indy?” Marcus’ blurts out, he knows the answer, they have already talked about it before, but for some reason he has the need to hear it right now.  
Alex smiles “Always, wherever it is, I’ll be there” Marcus feels the tension slowly but steadily fade away form his body, he sighs and cuddles closer to the other man.  
They fall asleep minutes later, Alex’s arms around him and the soft noises of the street lulling him to sleep. 

When morning comes the thoughts of the night before seem to be slowly coming at him like a fading nightmare, he easily shakes them out of his head and in turn focuses on dressing up. He grabs both his and Alex’s paddock passes and catches his trainer looking out the window. “I missed you last night at dinner” He says, getting the brunette’s attention, who turns around to look at him, a smile on his face.  
“Me too, did you have fun?” He asks and kisses him chastely. “It was really nice, you would have loved it—why don’t I get us reservations for today?”  
“That sounds nice” Alex replies and Marcus looks at the window, the city slowly coming back to alive with every passing second.  
“I meant what I said” The words are spoken in a soft tone. Marcus turns to Alex, who reaches out for his hand. “About Indy” Alex continues “I will be there, and wherever it is, as long as it’s with you” Marcus smiles wide, entwines their fingers and squeezes tightly.  
Two hours later, he notices happily, he still doesn’t feel like he wants to stop smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction, any similarities with reality are a mere coincidence.


End file.
